when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
