I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
