just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
