I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
