You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
