i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
