Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We need to get me chipped asap
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
