My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
