I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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