is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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