I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
