so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
