I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
