i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
