My sheets look like a crime scene.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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