alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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