i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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