No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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