you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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