After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
