dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
