Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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