p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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