Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
