I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
