im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
