I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
