I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
