While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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