Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
