like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
