saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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