part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
