did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
