yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
