I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
