hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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