Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
