This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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