It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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