Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
