the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
