If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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