I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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