new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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