we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
