btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
