Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
