so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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