whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
