Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
